Forever and a Gay

It seems disheartening to think that ‘we’ may have unbelievably short attention spans.

Now single, I look at places and apps, like Grindr or gay.com and become more and more concerned and alarmed at how many appear to be in open relationships or following some public ‘don’t-ask-don’t-tell’ policy. Even in those cases, it’s a gamble as to whether the enactment of such policy went into effect with both parties in the know, or whether the other person figured it out and resigned to just accepting it.

As I speak with Celinas about the demise of my relationship, and even her divorce respectively, it becomes evident that this isn’t even necessarily a ‘gay’ thing.

I wonder – are we simply guilty of not being able to find what we’re looking for because we simply have no idea what ‘it’ is? Does the malevolent or inept course of action we take simply reflect this?

I realize more that this behaviour isn’t endemic or a plague of the gays, but of all. I used to believe that because we had no ‘template’ of normal relationships, gays felt empowered to simply create their own rules – but this isn’t necessarily true, borrowing, where applicable, from our breeder counterparts.

Time and time again I read studies, suggestions, articles and more about how they discover infidelity increasesand even scientific studies that show infidelity amongst species we thought were more romantic than us.

Alas, my thoughts and rants today aren’t about infidelity. Rather, the wonder and questions of what drives us when we’re engaged in relationships.

Michael is a new friend and new introduction into my world. I’m left puzzled sometimes, at his commitment and devotion to his values that lead him to effectively be celibate. I can’t help but wonder what a relationship with him would be like – could he truly be faithful and could his morals and beliefs be that resounding?

I find myself questioning his statements and wondering where the faults lie. This is the irony, right? The belief that someone with sound mind and principles exists seems tantamount to moving on but only until that person could possibly exist – then all bets are off and the person becomes suspect.

I’ve always hated fractions, but what if the common denominator were me. Wouldn’t that just be so unbelievable…

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