Rules of Engagement

“…You can’t just turn-around and do this and act this way – it’s not normal.”

“There are no rules or definitions for breakups, and no requirements on how I should or shouldn’t act and why I should or shouldn’t care.”

But there are, aren’t there?

The story for a breakup is generally different for everyone. ‘He did it over text message…’; ‘There was a message waiting for me when I landed…’, etc. All-in-all, however, the flight path is the same and the scenarios are always as follows:

  • The breakup is mutual and you both leave it as you came in – friendly
  • One person hates the other person and you end miserably
  • One or both grow apart but you remain friends (this one always kills me and confuses to no end)
  • Or one person is completely blindsided by some surprise revelation of the other and is left completely subject to their whim with little to no recourse

What are the terms and conditions, the understanding, the rules of engagement when you divorce. Are they widely known – is it a guide you can quickly email to the prior partner letting them know what their obligation is? Is decency deterred by common sense?

I can’t lie, and say that I haven’t been on the other end of things in these situations – where the despondent removed person is no longer interested in anything amicable with the other party. However, as I look back, there was always some clear reason and understanding between both that were involved. We both knew why one another hated each other – or why things had to end. So, when the case is as it is now – what are reasonable and understood expectations for getting the answers that someone may want or need.